The Decision

Today I decided to be a mother. With a second child on the way, I know it sounds odd to think I had to make such a conscience choice. When we became pregnant with Danny, I decided to be a mother. . . of a baby. Today I decided to be the mother of a toddler.

To those of you unfamiliar with motherhood, let me assure you that a mother of a toddler is very different from the mother of an infant.

The mother of a baby has a very predictable pattern to her day. She feeds the baby, changes the diaper, puts the baby to sleep. These three things repeat over and over, with the addition of cuddling, cooing, and awe as the baby grows. Also, the joys of naptime, when Mom can do her own thing without interruption.

The mother of a toddler doesn't have predictable days. She has to make sure that the toddler gets food (honestly, this can be a challenge!) She has to keep him out of cupboards, keep him from climbing stools, play with him (especially if he is an only child,) read to him, and resist the eternal temptation to simply plant the child in front of the television to distract him. Being the Mother of a toddler means that she has to discipline. She has to teach him appropriate behavior (You WILL Share your toys!) and she has to watch her own tongue because they now repeat what you say. Words suddenly become dangerous, especially words that trigger a rare excitement and expectation in the toddler. GO, COOKIE, CAKE, PLAY, etc. All these trigger words are often used in casual conversation, but a toddler tunes into them instantly and expects certain consequences to happen. Being the Mother of a toddler means saying NO. . . a lot, and it also means that you have to stick to your guns. Even being creative with your negatives takes effort.

In my particular case, with my in-laws living with us, being the Mother of a toddler means that I have to be firm. Scott is an excellent parent, and Danny responds well to his discipline, and loves to play with him. I have always been more relaxed, and so Danny responds to me differently. Lately, I have noticed that with two Grandparents in the house, and my laid back personality, Scott seems to be the only one making sure Danny suffers consequences for breaking the rules. This really is not a good thing. I noticed this when Danny wanted something, and went from Scott, to me, to Grandpa, and finally got Grandma to give him what he wanted. Two years old, and he already knows how to play the adults!

I believe strongly in the roles of the Grandparents, and I don't want to ask my in-laws to change their roles, simply because they live with us. So instead, I have to change my role. Really, it's a change that has needed to happen for awhile. Daniel is no longer an infant, and reacting to him as if he was isn't healthy for him. I am his mother, and so I have to be his mother in the stage he is in. It means a change in what I do, because I have to teach him and be active in his life. I have to be firm, and I have to talk to him and help him understand. It is different, but I am sure that I will survive. I had better get used to being the Mother of a toddler fast, because in two months I will advance to being the Mother of a toddler AND a baby!